Story Time
- Ayana Williams
- Apr 29, 2020
- 2 min read
As promised I said that I would be more transparent with this blog in relation to my own story. I will share as much as possible if it means it will help someone else or even allow you all to see how passionate I am about Mental Health awareness.
This past June I was admitted into the hospital- mid shift in uniform and all. (Which was humiliating if I may add going to check in at the ER in work clothes to be placed in the TCU where we hold suicide patients and place them on the proper precautions). I had stayed up all night and cried majority of the night prior. The reason why? A load of daily stress from worrying about finances, being overwhelmed with school and work, being a full time single mom, at the time balancing a relationship, it was a lot to deal with.
Over the years, I’ve suppressed traumatic experiences including abortion, rape, bad relationships, and abandonment plus more to the point where I was fragile with handling stress. Literally any small amount in the slightest bit was too much and I couldn’t handle it. In order to be able to be okay through all these years and to keep from going over the edge I would keep my load light because I was scared of what would happen if I got too stressed. As far as I can remember, 2009 was the initial start of when I started having suicide ideations. I don’t know how it goes for anyone else who may have had them but once I get to that point I can’t come out. The second worst time was being pregnant. I kept to myself and went through it myself emotionally. I didn’t talk to anyone about my mental state but it wasn’t in a good place at all. My son kept me here. (I’ll touch on that in another post later to elaborate more).
This more recent time was the third worst time. I was diagnosed with a low-grade depression of Dysthymia and then Anxiety. I’m sure I’ve had it way longer than this past June, the only difference from when it started is that I finally decided to get help. That being to let someone else in on what I’ve been struggling with in hopes of trying to find a solution to start a healthier journey with taking care of myself for me and for my son as well. I’m not 100% but the fact is that I started a journey into taking care of myself mentally. I hope this post sheds more light on the importance. Being healthy mentally and taking the steps you need to get there will keep you here.
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